Congratulations!
You have found the love of your life, your partner, your best friend, your future spouse. This is a moment that so many of us have dreamt of our entire lives. It’s the first step toward a commitment to forever, and a treasured right of passage. A time that will be looked back on for not only years, but generations to come.
This post is written from a wedding photographer’s perspective. I will be sharing with you some wisdom to help celebrate, stay grounded, and enjoy the process up to your wedding day.
Being engaged is typically a chapter in our lives that lasts just a year or two. It is fleeting, exciting, and sometimes overwhelming especially leading up to the wedding.
If you are a ‘type A’ person like myself, it may be tempting to jump right in. However, because this chapter goes by so quickly, I think it is of equal importance to spend time enjoying it.
I have a friend who recently got engaged. Her fiancé and her had decided to keep it between the two of them for the first 48 hours. In those two days the amount of joy, bonding, and intention they shared was enough to make her fall in love all over again.
Imagine going on your regular date night, gazing across the table– but this time…the person across from you will soon be your husband or wife.
This time afterwards can allow you to be more intentional with your engagement and future together. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about the first moment a newly engaged couple FaceTimes or sees their loved ones. Shirley, your friend from childhood, your siblings, or whoever you choose to share that moment with will feel so thankful to celebrate with you. Just as you are, about to embark on a new journey, they are as well.
It is a gift to get to witness true love and be part of a day as special as a wedding day. Some couples choose to record the reactions of their loved ones. This way they can forever remember the excitement this chapter brought and how love can bring us all together.
Once you have spent time celebrating with your partner, and you have shared the news with your loved ones. There will be an inevitable buzz around you of questions, excitement, details, suggestions, solicited advice, unsolicited advice – all of the things.
It is important to prepare, knowing at the end of the day this is a celebration between you and your partner and whoever you choose to share with. Use this time to take a breather, pause and enjoy the present moment.
Gather up your energy and inspiration, because the next steps are where we get into the nitty-gritty details.
- The number one organizational tip for newly engaged couples is to make a separate email address specifically for your wedding day. It can be something as simple as “SarahandJake2025@gmail.com”. This will help you stay on top of all wedding communication, while allowing separation from your personal or work life. Planning is something that you may need a break from, in fact it’s healthy to take a break from. Minimize the overwhelm ahead of time by filtering any and all things wedding through this email address. This is also will set your up for success after your wedding day. So that you don’t have to spend your honeymoon unsubscribing from certain wedding blog websites, or emails you signed up for in the midst of excitement.
- Once you have given yourself time to enjoy the moment, share with loved ones, and have your email address set up. It is time to sit down with your partner and get clear on your priorities for your wedding. Prepare to go into this conversation with an open mind and heart. One thing I’ve learned from working with couples over the years is everyone approaches wedding day from a different perspective. We all have different visions, goals, and things that are important to us. Being aware of what you value in the experience of your wedding day will help allocate your budget properly, choose your vendors wisely, and enjoy your day.
Example: A really great way you can put this practice to use is by writing down the top two or three experiences you both are looking to gain from your wedding day. It could be emotional; such as feeling really grounded throughout the day. Spiritual; such as having the person that has known you both your entire lives officiate. Physical, such as having a view of trees or mountains when you say your ‘I do’s’.
Knowing these priorities, you can both lean into decision making (which there will be A LOT of) with trust that you felt heard, understood, and valued every step of the way. If it is important to you to feel grounded throughout your wedding day you can opt for a first look where you and your partner privately see one another for the first time. This allows you to shake off any nerves at the beginning of the day. If it’s important to be surrounded by people who will not only be a part of your wedding, but a part of your marriage, you can more readily prepare your guest list with intention. And lastly, if you value being in nature on your wedding day you can more readily say yes or no to certain options as well as photographer styles that align with the emphasis on greenery and nature.
- Once you have a basic understanding of what is important, your next step is to figure out your date. Some couples I’ve worked with have shared that they had their heart set on certain dates, or times of the year. But when it came down to finding a venue and vendors, that dream didn’t seem possible. It is important to know it is very typical for vendors to book out 1 to 2 years in advance. This includes the venue, the photographer, videographers, wedding planners, hair stylists, DJs, etc. It is very possible to have your dream team with you on your wedding day, it just requires planning in advance. This is why it is typical for the engagement to last at least 1 to 2 years. Maybe, through sitting down with your partner and getting clear on your priorities, you uncovered you both value becoming one sooner than later and that informs your decision over who is available for vendors. Or maybe, you know it is a priority to have that one makeup artist or a photographer you have seen and resonated with for years. If that is the case you may have to work around their available dates. You should never feel like you were unprepared if you reach out to a wedding vendor without a date. If anyone makes you feel unprepared — they are not the vendor for you. It is a HUGE compliment to any wedding industry professional to have a couple willing to work with them in a way that guarantees they will be able to be there on their wedding day. It always means the world when I have couples reach out and let me know they are looking to get married, they love my work, and want me there. It is even more flattering when they ask specifically which dates I still have available to coordinate with their venue.
(From a photographer’s perspective, not only is this extremely heartwarming as we love what we do, it is also logistically strategic. We have often worked at so many of the local venues and understand them from a photographic and lighting perspective. If you are looking at venues we have shot at before, odds are we can share with you a full wedding gallery from the specific venue which will allow you to get a glimpse into the whole picture.)
- Once you have celebrated, prioritized your values, and set your date, you can now find and secure all of your vendors. Here is a vendor checklist that can help you keep organized on which questions to ask in the process of booking.
Once you have your date and vendors locked down, your wedding is officially on the calendar! You are ready to move into the next phase of planning! (This is a great time to have your engagement photos done. This can allow you both a fun break from planning to provide beautiful photos you can share on save the dates, invitations, or your wedding website.)
- Your vendors will be prepared to walk you through anything additional they may need from you at this point in the process and leading up to your wedding day. Sometimes this involves completing questionnaires or providing feedback. Other important final steps may include meeting up for a venue walk through, coffee, hair, or make up that you may want to do a trial run with. Each step is important in preparing the entire team for an effortlessly smooth enjoyable for all involved.
- Now when it comes to decorating, If you are anything like me.. you love a good DIY. Pinterest and Instagram provide such seamless inspiration. Sometimes we don’t even realize how much goes into each and every project to get it looking just the way we envisioned it. (I’m talking to myself here just as much!) Do yourself a favor and remember the power in delegation when it comes to DIYing your wedding day. When your bridesmaids ask what they can help with, give them a specific task to be in charge of. When your siblings offer to support, invite them over for a day of creating your table scapes. You can even take this one step further by delegating someone to be in charge of delegation. (Yes, boss move – for sure!) This way while you focus on the overall vision, your loved ones can be there for you. They will be happy since they were able to help make your wedding dreams come true. And you can show up to your wedding day knowing loving hands were behind it all.
In conclusion, when you first get engaged – celebrate! Share sacred time with your future spouse. Share the experience with your loved ones. Get clear on your individual and joint priorities. Reach out to your vendors far in advance, know who you want to enlist for support and be clear on your tasks. Lastly, don’t forget take time to enjoy the process along the way!
The end result of the planning and details is that you are marrying the love of your life. Don’t lose sight of what a gift that is when decision making feels daunting or the entire process feels overwhelming. Don’t forget to keep that knowledge in your pocket at all times. Most importantly though, be willing to put planning on hold to enjoy regular date nights with your fiancé in between.
